– The best part about such weddings being the chance to meet up on all those distant and not-so-distant relatives whom you have not seen in the best part of a decade
– The not-so-best part being the innumerable questions directed towards you regarding your marital status, from the very subtle “Your mom is getting old and she might need some company at home” to the not-so-subtle “Get married soon” to the bull-in-the-china-shop approach of “You know there is this girl, some relative, eminently suitable, has done XYZ, would be a good fit for a MBA” to the Sreesanth level of pleasantry exchange of “how many kids do you have” (Ok, I made that last one up but then I am just surprised that one did not come up)
– The bigger challenge however lies in trying to explain to people what exactly you do for a living and what is consulting.
Typical conversations start off with
“So how is the IT market looking” asked ala Ravi Shastri looking at the 22 yard pitch
“Err, I am not in IT” deadpanned away the way Rahul Dravid would do to a length delivery on middle stump
“You are not in IT!!!!” Equivalent outrage to that of a person who being promised to be taken to Prince of Persia movie is instead taken to the Viveik Oberoi starrer Prince
Denying their categorical assumptions and after educating them suitably on “consulting” (Confuse + Insult = Consult), the concerned party looks as comfortable as Yuvraj Singh playing spin on a fifth day track
“So what project did you go to London for” an evasive question asked with evasiveness of Richard Nixon
After a few mins of explaining the project, they pounce in the way German strikers did on the English defence, ” It is an IT project!!!” and walk away with a satisfied smile
– Its almost unfair that the bridegroom gets to have something called the Kumara Bhojanam (Bachelor meal) before the Muhurtam while the bride “officially” starves. I use the word unfair as it seems to be an indicator to the bridegroom, “Enjoy your last good meal, you have no idea what your wife is going to cook for you”. They really should have a Kumari Bhojanam too (but then that would prevent the assorted nephews and nieces from doing something useful, as they scurry up and down and pass food secretively to the bride)
– One fails to understand the logic of having Muhurtams early in the morning. Imagine the pandemonium that would be caused if either the bride or the groom refuse to wake up, saying that they are really sleepy
– There always seems to be someone who knows all the songs that have to be sung in a wedding. Realization quickly dawns on the group especially the younger ones that most of these songs have already been remixed and reused in movies and then they join in with great gusto.
– Cant there really be a smokeless fire for the wedding? I am sure the inventor will make tons of money
– Another invention that can make tons of money is to have a latex mask ala Mission Impossible in the form of a smile, for those innumerable hours spent displaying a forced smile during the reception
– I have always wondered what happens in a situation where someone approaches the couple and each one thinks that it is someone related to the other person
– Easily the most important part of the wedding is the thulping session and I have always been amazed at how the caterers make the best appalams possible. There have been so many weddings where the food has sucked but the appalams rock
– Another battle of will and patience that the bride and the groom face are pesky sadistic well wishers who come to them and say “The food was great” knowing well enough that the poor things would be starving
PS: On a serious note, it is indeed a travesty that a single parent cannot actually do the rituals for their kids as traditions forbid it. Its pure bullshit. Imagine a parent slogging for his/her kid all their life and then probably on the most important day, not being accorded the simple pleasure of doing all the rituals that a parent should do. Injustice.
PPS: Thats the whole cousins gang lining up for the photo, breaking the queue and threatening people to have this pic taken