The 1st Annual Beanbag Critic (ABC) Awards

Posted: February 26, 2013 in ABC Awards, Best of 2012, Everyone's a critic, Movies

Lo, the most awaited awards ceremony has been conducted & awards bestowed on the deserving candidature of the Twilight series & Adam Sandler. Oh yes, I am talking of the Razzies. Which one were you guys thinking of? The other small, not so significant awards ceremony that takes place in Dolby Theater. That awards ceremony which voted for Brave over Wreck-it Ralph & ParaNorman. The same awards ceremony that was torn about by critics for Seth McFarlane being inappropriate (Who would have thunk?). All said & done, it is now time for the inaugural Beanbag Critic Awards, doling out awards, good & bad on movies, most of whom do not find any Oscar love at all (but do end up grossing more than your average Oscar nominated movie)


You don't say...


Entertainer of the year:  The Avengers

Action movie of the year: The Raid: Redemption

Thriller of the year: The Headhunters

Horror movie of the year: The Cabin in the Woods

Sci-fi movie of the year: Looper

Animated movie of the year: Wreck-It Ralph

Disturbing movie of the year: The Skin I live in (Wonder what kind of mind even thought of the movie)

Bat-shit crazy movie of the year: Iron Sky (Nazis in moon decide to invade the US, what could be more crazier)

Comedy movie of the year: 21 Jump Street

Drama of the year: Moonrise Kingdom

Wildly & Wickedly Inappropriate movie of the year: Ted (please please please listen to the Thunder Song from Ted)



The Transformers of 2012 (in all aspects): Battleship 

Visually outstanding with disappointing storytelling movie of the year: Prometheus. Wattay disappointment. I happened to catch the 1st 15 mins of the movie in 3D Imax. You are literally blown away and then the movie starts and you wish someone would blow the folks on screen with a shotgun

 Movie Kevin Costner would be proud of: The Grey

The Best Performance of the year: Quvenzhane Wallis as Hushpuppy in Beasts of the Southern Wild. An amazingly astonishing performance from the 9 year old.

Vanishing Act of 2012: Ryan Gosling (Hello, where did you vanish after an awesome 2011)

 The Nearly Man of the year: Joseph Gordon Levitt. Part of 2 major box office successes in TDKR & Looper but overshadowed by Christian Bale & Bruce Willis respectively. Solo lead in Premium Rush that tanked miserably

 The Needs-To-Read-Script-Before-Signing-Up Star of the year: Taylor Kitsch. Not one, Not two but three clunkers in the year (despite his best efforts). John Carter (Nothing new but massively big budget). Savages (Oliver Stone must have been smoking the same drug that was depicted in the movie). Battleship (Transfomers-Like, that too without Megan Fox)


"I promise to read the script the next time"

“I promise to read the script the next time”


Best Lone-Good-Spot-in-an-Abysmal-movie: Tom Cruise singing “Dead or Alive” in Rock of Ages (Disappointing movie, very disappointing)



Chemistry of the year: Tony Stark & Bruce Banner (Yes, seriously). For traditional chemistry of the year, Andrew Garfield & Emma Stone in the Amazing Spider Man

Intense performances in an unremarkable movie: Jeremy Renner & Rachel Weisz in The Bourne Legacy

Cameo of the year: Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street

Best Tommy Lee Jones Impersonation of the year: Josh Brolin in MIB3


Tommy Lee Jones, on the left

Tommy Lee Jones, on the left

Worst Bruce Willis Impersonation of the year: Joseph Gordon Levitt in Looper (Movie was awesome, make up was extremely distracting, mannerism copying was brilliant)


JGL Bruce Willis


The Andy Serkis award for best performance in motion capture: Andy Serkis as Gollum in Hobbit


Expression of the year: This!!!!!


Loki Expression


Song of the year: Far Over the Misty Mountain Cold in Hobbit. Goosebumpy Max



Most Satisfying BGM of the year: Hans Zimmer for the TDKR



Takedown of the year: Gina Carano’s takedown of Michael Fassbender in Haywire. Downright brutal, nasty hand-to-whatever-you-can-lay-your-hands-on fighting

Accessory of the year: The Bow & Arrow. (Hunger Games, Avengers, Brave)

Brave Hawkeye Hunger Games


The Coolest Equipment of the year: The Bat Pod (yeah!!!)



Dialog of the year: “Ok, I am drawing a line in the F*cking sand. DO NOT Read the Latin!” – Marty to Dana, in Cabin in the Woods. Dana promptly reads the Latin & unleashes 11 kinds of hell

Comeback of the year: “Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you?” “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.” – Tony Stark to Steve Roger, Avengers


Moment(s) of the year:

1) Hulk Smash Puny God

2) The climatic moments of TDKR

3) When Dana presses the button in Cabin in the Woods

4) The closing sequences of Safety Not Guaranteed. If you cannot help cheering that moment, you probably deserve to watch Ghost Rider 2 & Wrath of Titans for all eternity in an empty theater


PS: Same disclaimers as the previous post, Missed all those Oscar level movies in 2012. Catching them up slowly now.Argo & Django brilliant so far


PPS: 2012 stats. 51 movies. 24 in theatres (not bad at all) (more if you count the repeated viewing of Avengers, TDKR & Hobbit). Average rating of 7 on IMDB.


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